Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
