would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
