Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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