we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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