whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
