y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
