Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
