Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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