Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
