It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
