In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
