Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
