***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
