Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
