so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
