When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
