Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
