i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
