somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
