did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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