I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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