saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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