Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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