I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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