We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
