this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
