Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
