I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
