His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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