Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
