you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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