God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
