how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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