I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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