it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
