Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
