in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
