I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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