What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Randomize
