So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize