dude i'm inner monologue high
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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