She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
