just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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