There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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