According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
