Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
