i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
