The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
