Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
