I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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