i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
