a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
