You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
