All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
