My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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