Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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