no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
