Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
