Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
