You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
