dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
