if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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